Should you care bout others or yourself more?

Im kinda split here. Ive cared about others my whole life, so much that ive been kind of a pushover. I wanna change and become a beast but society and my church keep telling me otherwise like "love others" and "show mercy to everyone even your enemies" and "be a martyr" when clearly it hasnt been working for me. I dont wanna go to hell but i dont wanna loser in life either.

any thoughts?

@dshipp17@jacdec

Yes

@mcflicky: '_'

Always yourself. Don’t trust a thing that comes from a church

Depends on the situation

I've struggled with this my entire life. I suppose there is a fine line between the selfish and selfless. Some time ago I decided that I'd rather be the man that experienced life than hiding from dangers. How can I warn and protect my children from the dangers of the world if I am not equipped in doing so?

The question is. What type of man do you want to be? The Church Boy? The Tyrant? The Sinner? The Honorable? The Strong? Some things in life you must experience on your own, regardless of the Church.

Always put yourself first.

If you don't, people will see you as someone with no self-respect, and they won't respect you in return. Helping others is good, but you cannot do that consistently, if you're always ready to self-sabotage for everyone's slightest benefit. It's healthy and essential to have boundaries with people. Even with loved ones. Otherwise you will be taken advantage of.

In life or death situations, I can't tell you what to do. That is your decision. But I would advise not going further than what you know you are personally comfortable with. Never feel pressured to make life changing decisions for the benefit of others. Only do so, if YOU want to.

But in most everyday interactions, you will be FAR better off, if you approach helping others from a place of self-confidence, rather than a sense of obligation.

i wanna be the two latter and the first option

You can do both. What enemies do you have what cause are you a martyr for

Yourself until you have children.

wdym

There's a bare minimum of being concerned or caring about yourself though but if people did not care about like contributing to society there would be hardly anything for anybody but at the same time people contribute to society on purely reasons that constitute self preservation and largely it is out of their own benefit so I don't know really it is kind of strange we are social animals by nature so it only makes sense really that being a part of some group is innate and necessary somehow, and often that is the working and employment world. Doing your duty in that way seems often like enough kinda, but I dunno.

Like I like music a lot, I like playing music, but I have spent a lot of time into being good so I can succeed somehow at it, but succeeding at it is bringing others some type of joy or entertainment perhaps so it goes both ways, so I don't know.

I feel like a lot of people are like robots sometimes and while I used to be a deeply caring person I just feel like my river ran dry at some point and It's just hard for me to feel like I care and that most people will take advantage of you if you let them thus the answer is difficult. Taking from Christianity seems to only really make sense that you know, Jesus died for ourselves, and you have to wear a proverbial crown of thorns just so psychologically come to terms and navigate the complex and complicated society and social web we live within.

The MBTI is quite an interesting tool, because it seems like Nietzsche has gained the most imminence when it comes to whoever writes articles about is a practitioner of it. The advice is always the same, as an INFP, don't expect others to hold to your values and ideals, because as an idealist that is a specific thing that you beholden or value, not the rest of humanity--that was practically it. That's like super weird to me, that means like through deductive reasoning you agree with Nietzsche, a lot of people do I guess. If not for ideals and values what do most people behold themselves to? well it's like, I feel like that's Nietzsche somehow, that was the territory he dealt with the most.

1 Corinthians 10:24- “ Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person.”

I always care more about others.

Like my dad told me when he taught me how to swim; "Never drown yourself trying to save the next guy. All that does is create two drowning people. Guy yourself safely afloat, and then go help him."

Put yourself first, which will leave you better able to care about others anyway.

Always prioritize Tommy Wiseau.

that will ruin me (from my experience)

It's all part of being a good person and a good Christian!

and as of now I am Curious about your statement.

i feel like i put others feelings and need before myself a lot, and i find i used to be exhausted and taken advantage of. I also used to be a people pleaser, laughing at everyones jokes and agreeing with everything.

@rawsos:

My bad, I miss-understood your question. I was looking at this as more would you take a bullet for someone else, Not as being a total push over and people pleaser!

I still live a life, that if you have the opportunity to help a stranger, you should.

Including giving change to the homeless if you have it.

@referee: will do (or try to at least)

It's called empathy. If we don't have some, we end up as serial killer. If we have it, we don't get rid of it. When it becomes compassion, you have a good chance of ending up being a good Christian, but it's harder to bear.

So, you have to sin from time to time, not too much so that it remains forgivable, but enough to give a good taste to life.

I taunt you, but it relieves me.

You should care about others as long as it doesn't happen at the expense of your own well-being.

Most of the time yes since you have to be your own priority first. Its fine to still care about others just know that some won't feel the same towards you. The only people even worth caring are the ones that you value and treat you right but remember to look out for yourself first before trying to help someone feel that same way.

@rawsos Yourself, everyone deserves kindness and compassion (ok not everyone), but you should be your top priority. Because like the people around you, you also deserve that kindness. Also hell doesn't exist so you don't have to worry about that.

@steve40l: Salut Steve,

First of all, I appreciate your humor (ok not everyone)!

I agree with you, but I will also take the point of view of the believer in front of us who wonders.

Rawsos, your religion promotes joy. The joy that one must know for oneself in order to be able to transmit it to others. Your own happiness is a prerequisite for participating in the happiness of others. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a false preacher.

@jacdec Ya that's fair. No need to go against religion right now.

You don't have to seperate the two. I mean, its very natural for us to do so and ask such questions... but you can also ask yourself why? Why do I ask such questions, where I should question whether I should care for myself as an individual, more than those that are not myself? Both are interesting questions, and in pursuit of both you can learn a lot of interesting ideas from philosophy, science, religion, art, fiction etc

There is a similar philosophical debate some have over selfishness and selflessness, are there any true selfless acts? For examples people given, you can often find, some small tiny loophole, or motivation or sense of benefit of the self behind the act, that can be argued to be self motivated in some way, like ideologically, or ego, or empathy or so on. Then to others, the argument is silly, and gets hung up on the abstract too much. Actions have degrees of selfishness and selflessness and its the arrangement, dynamic and context of the situation that is more important. A person who goes out and does good deeds that benefit others, may have a warm feeling at night as they ready to rest, which could be argued to be a selfish feeling, but its silly to frame it such, or them as selfish and therefore such acts not more ideal than someone who spends each day making others lives worse.

If you have a best friend, best friends, an exclusive romantic sexual partner, parents, brothers and sisters, children, the line gets really blurry about how much you care about them versus how much you care about yourself. Even more complicated and blurry when you consider they will have those connections beyond just you as well.

Many people often care more about others than they care about themselves, but... even then, usually, that care they have for others, still reflects personal necessity, concern, importance, desire, so on. Oh and then imagine this? Imagine having a daughter or girlfriend that really really cares about you... but they are clinically depressed and not really feeling up to caring for themselves... so... you want them to care about themselves as much as they care about you...

Then more specifically towards OP, you can be a push over without caring about others. Caring about others doesn't make or mean you are a push over, depends on the context. Did you care about people by visiting homeless and talking to them about their issues? Volunteering at a domestic abuse shelter and putting yourself to physically protect vulnerable from abusers as an act of deterrence? Protested with people in acts of unity and support for the benefit of others? None of that would sound like a push over... However some people equate caring about others a different way, which is more about the reward of being passive, but then not being granted that reward or reimbursement... and that could potentially veer into being a push over... but it also doesn't really sound like helping people, not of your own agency anyway.

TL;DR, there are no dumb questions, but some questions are poorly constructed because as humans we tend to categorise abstract ideas around the self, and the external notions of others. Its a bit silly, because we are social animals who derive immense amounts of joy, validation, comfort and pleasure from each other, viewing yourself in a vacuum or not realising that your satisfaction is often tied to others. Its like asking, should you want your eyesight or mobility from legs more? Well both really, take both, care about yourself and care about others, care about others for yourself, and for yourself care about others (and hope that others care about you near as much as they care about themselves and that the ones you do care about, care about themselves as much as they care about you)

I very much appreciate your reflection. I find it poised and balanced. She emphasizes that life is richer through interaction than through simple action.

Only one word bothers me: "Hope". When it is cold and it rains in torrents, we take shelter. You don't sit in the middle of the square hoping the rain stops and the sun comes out. Hope is a false friend, it does not help you, leaves you with your worries and hinders your actions. "Let's wait, it will eventually get better." is a wrong way. "Let's take action, take charge, find our own way." is much more productive and often beneficial to all.

In order to take care of others more, you need to first take care of yourself.

Thank you kindly. Sometimes I am a bit too longwinded, but usually because I have strong views and am too lazy to edit.

I agree with your sentiment about hope, its well said. If I had more time, I might have thought to phrase better, to emphasis on your own agency, but to also not put too much weight on the idea you are owed anything. When you cultivate relationships with people, the dynamic will change, in contrast, if you do not cultivate one...

Also alongside you can develop and grow as an individual yourself too. Which is good general advice for young people, who wish they had more friends and romantic partners. Make yourself an interesting person, with hobbies, and passions and strong views. When you like spending time with yourself, others will want to as well. Of course again its more complex than that too.

Thank you for the reply!

Others, but only when it makes sense. Your needs first. Then theirs second. If you're literally dying you can't exactly help somebody else.

Balance

Idc about either life is so boring

Unless it's Yung Cash Register AKA Lil Broomstick he is the best rapper of all time omnipotent triple platinum granny winninDrPhil+Steve Harvey hybrid M&M def comes before me andIwoulddoabsolutelyanythinghetoldmetododon't@me😫

Yourself